Getting better at giving feedback starts with getting honest about why you avoid it.
We often dress up avoidance as kindness, but it only makes things harder for everyone. In this article, we see why feedback doesn’t have to be perfect, just timely, clear, and with shared intent.
Hello there, it’s Giuseppe here. Welcome to a new post from the Better Leadership newsletter.
In all my recent work experiences, many leaders I’ve known stress how much they value feedback. We know it’s important for growth. We tell our teams we want open conversations. And yet, many of us hesitate when it comes to giving constructive criticism, especially when the feedback is personal or might sting.
We rationalize. Now’s not the right time. They’ve already had a tough week. Maybe it’s not a big deal after all. And when we do speak up, it often comes out too soft to land, or too sharp to stick.
This isn’t just about lacking the right frameworks. Often, the issue is emotional: we’re afraid of breaking trust, hurting someone’s confidence, or just dealing with discomfort. But avoiding feedback doesn’t protect people, it deprives them of the clarity and support they need to grow.
Feedback isn’t about being right, it’s rather about being clear.
Constructive criticism doesn’t have to be a performance. You don’t need to open with a compliment, find the perfect phrasing, or tie it up with a neat little bow.
The goal isn’t to prove a point, it’s to move forward together with a shared understanding of what needs to change.
That means focusing on clarity over comfort.
Be specific about what you’ve observed. Stick to facts and examples. Offer next steps. And above all, check your own intent: are you trying to be helpful, or are you just unloading frustration?
Here’s a concrete difference between vague correction and useful feedback:
“You’re always late with reports.”
“The last three reports have been delayed by at least two days. Let’s figure out how to adjust the timeline so you can deliver them on time.”
It sounds simple. But many teams never get there not because they’re dysfunctional, but because they lack practice and shared language.
Understand that timing matters more than tone.
One mistake I’ve seen repeatedly: waiting too long to give feedback because we’re trying to find the right way to say it. In the meantime, the moment passes, the behaviour continues, and tension builds.
Not only that, it happened to me that I had done the mistake of waiting to provide some feedback during my quarterly feedback sessions, and often the reply to that is just a simple “why couldn’t it be shared earlier? I could’ve changed.”
The best time to give feedback is soon enough. Not in the middle of a fire drill, but while the context is still fresh.
If you’re unsure, a simple “Can I give you some feedback on that presentation?” is typically enough to open the door.
For bigger conversations, one-on-ones are your best ally. But even in casual moments, don’t underestimate the impact of small nudges and check-ins. They create the foundation for more honest discussions later on.
What to say when you don’t know how to say it.
If you’re someone like me who struggles with giving feedback, especially the tough kind, here are a few prompts I’ve found helpful:
“Can I share something I’ve been noticing?”
“There’s something I think could be improved, and I want to hear your take.”
“Here’s what I saw, and here’s why I think it matters.”
“What support do you need to make this easier next time?”
These aren’t scripts. They’re starting points for a conversation. The goal isn’t to deliver a verdict, but rather to open up a space for reflection, alignment, and accountability.
And it’s a two-way street. If the other person feels comfortable enough to push back, explain context, or even disagree, you’re doing it right.
If you never follow up, feedback doesn’t stick.
A single conversation rarely changes behaviour.
If you care about someone’s growth, it’s your job to help them stay on course. This doesn’t mean micromanaging, it’s more about checking in and showing that you still care about the outcome.
You don’t need a formal tracking system. Just make it a habit to revisit open loops: “Hey, last time we talked about X, how’s that been going?” This keeps feedback alive without creating pressure. It shows you’re still paying attention.
Feedback without follow-up often gets lost in the noise. Follow-up without feedback becomes micromanagement. You need both to create momentum.
The real skill is not giving feedback, it’s building safety!
If you want a team that gives and receives feedback well, you need to create the conditions for it. That means building relationships based on trust, not fear.
It means giving people space to mess up and bounce back. And it means modelling what you expect: ask for feedback yourself, accept it without defensiveness, and thank people for their honesty.
Constructive criticism doesn’t need to be polished. It needs to be grounded in care, delivered with clarity, and followed by action. Sometimes, that’s all it takes!
As always, if you liked reading this post, I’d be grateful if you decided to share it with your coworkers, friends, and family, or leave a comment below.
Until next time, have a wonderful day or evening, and see you in the next post!